I’ll start by saying losing someone isn’t always defined as death, you can lose someone that is still living. In 2022, I lost a lot of people in my life, some are still alive, some aren’t, and no matter which way you experience loss, it sucks. This post is by no means a pity party for myself. I know everyone has experienced some form of loss, and sometimes it can be self-inflicted – we all have to deal with the consequences of our own actions. However, that doesn’t make it any easier or less confusing. Throughout my journey, I realized there are some books/articles, a few podcasts and a bunch of pretty pictures with quotes on them to explain grief and what it feels like to miss someone, but beyond that, no one really talks face to face or even via telephone (social media, texting, calls, etc.) about how hard losing people can be. Mainly because they don’t know what to say or don’t want to upset the other person, which I can totally relate to. I was the same way prior to losing my Dad, but I believe it’s time to change the stigma.

First off, if you have lost someone recently – I am sorry. The daily grieving will pass for the most part, but the sadness will never leave. It will come and go, you will have fewer sad days, but they will continue and most likely come about when you least expect it. My only advice is to allow them. Allow the sad feelings, allow yourself to cry, and allow other people to be there for you. Most people will be there for you in the beginning, but what happens after everyone moves on with their lives is when it gets tough. When people stop asking how you are doing, when they stop talking about your loved one that has passed, it’s in those moments where you feel alone in your sadness and grief, that are the toughest. Don’t try to be a hero, reach out to your friends and family for support, or even just to listen to you, I promise they will.

Every situation of loss is different, no two are alike, no one person is grieving more than someone else. For example, just because someone has lost their father and I have lost my father does not mean we are automatically in the same boat, our situations were different, our relationships with our fathers were different, how they passed was different, and so on and so forth. Even my own brother and sister lost the same father as me, yet it is still a different loss because we all had a different relationship with him. BUT we can relate to each other still on so many levels and my hope is that through this post it gives us all the confidence to speak up a little more about such a difficult topic.

I lost my Dad almost 2 years ago in a traumatic accident and it wasn’t until then I realized I was grieving the people I considered family that are still living, and then I had to grieve the death of my father on top of it. The feeling of loss felt somewhat similar, so going through it all at once was eye-opening and terrifying. 6 months before my Dad passed, my divorce was finalized. Throughout that time I was grieving the loss of my ex-husband, our 14 year relationship, and most of his family members that wanted nothing to do with me once we decided to separate. No one talks about that part of divorce, when the people you talk to daily or weekly and considered family for years just one day never speak to you again. How family and friends are almost pinned against each other and forced to “take sides” when in reality, that’s the last thing you ever wanted. It feels as though everything changes in an instant, your entire life, everything you knew to be true and people you loved stop loving you, stop calling you, stop wishing you well. That’s one of the most difficult aspects of loss, whether someone is alive or not, but certainly relates more to losing my dad, is knowing I can’t call him, I can’t hear his voice, I can’t hug him, the list goes on and on, and that doesn’t even include all of the future experiences he (or they) won’t be here for.

In terms of my divorce, it’s not like this for everyone, but it was my experience and I know it has to be this way in order for everyone to move on with their lives. Now that I have had time to reflect on it, I had no idea the amount of weight I was carrying from having those people in my life previously and from the grief of losing those people until I lost my father. However, I have started to view it through a new lens, one with a glass half full mentality and trying to see the positives in everything.

Through all of this and over the last 2 years, I have been making an active effort to look at losing people as creating space in my life – for people, for new experiences, for passions and finding what should take up my space. I don’t mean to say that the people I have lost, especially my father, will ever be replaced. The hole in my heart left from my dad will always be there, but I have decided to look inward and ask myself how can I be better, how can I be happier, how can I be the best version of myself for myself and for those around me? I feel like I have done that by going to therapy, moving to a new city, starting this blog, slowing down, putting myself first, volunteering more often and focusing on the bigger picture. This realization and focus has been the biggest influence of my blog and my Travels and Rentals instagram page. I felt like it was time to open a new side of myself and try something fun, something I am passionate about.

All of this to say, losing someone can be one of the hardest things you will ever go through, but it’s inevitable and it’s going to happen to everyone at some point in their life, so let’s be better. Let’s have tough conversations around grief, let’s be there for each other (physically and emotionally) and even when it’s really tough, let’s try to see the positive in all situations. If you are in the thick of it, do whatever YOU feel is best for YOU, it may be hard to figure out what that looks like, but follow your heart and focus on your healing.

If you want to discuss this further with me, or need someone to talk to about your grief, reach out to me on instagram, @travelsandrentals XOXO